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As the Kentucky Derby, a state tradition, rolls around with all its rituals and regalia Dr. “The Kentucky Derby is a sumptuously normal event. However people, wherever they are, can get sucked into virtual gambling online-another accessible conduit for folks dependent on gambling,” warns Dr. Bonnie calls cheating with cash monetary infidelity. Financial adultery is another form of cheating, and can be so delicate one does not know they are doing it. Weil considers this addiction as well as others a “self medicating, stress busting, thrill seeking high-like a love drug.” . “Betting, like all addictions is a bio-chemical hungering for connection.

When desires are not being met, folk turn to a quick fix-an activity that gives swift, but temporary satisfaction or thrill. Unfortunately many of those fast fixes simply turn into compulsive behaviour. . Bonnie. Doctor. . “If your credit cards are tapped out, unexplained bank balance transfers or stock and bond selling occurs, there's a good chance a partner is engaged in unhealthy spending,” claims Dr. Bonnie.

Dr. Bonnie advocates couples participate in Smart Heart Dialogue (a communication strategy originated by Doctor. Bonnie and found in her books) to initiate the process of reconnecting and meeting each other's emotional needs so that the obsessions, compulsions, or acting out will be replaced with satisfying the requirement for emotionally intimate connection.

Doctor. Bonnie Eaker Weil (Doctor. Bonnie) is a relationship expert who was named by Psychology Today as one of America's best consultants, and by Big Apple Magazine as one of New York City's best doctors. Known as “The Cheating Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the top selling writer of Infidelity : The Excusable Sin (evolved into a whole life movie starring actress Kate Jackson), Make Up Don't Split up, Finding and Keeping Love for Singles and Couples (Revised edition February 2010, including DVD The simplest way to Fall head over heels in love and Stay in Love for Singles and Couples) and winner of the NY Times Reader's Choice award for best dating book 2010, Are we able to Cure and Pardon Adultery?, Staying Not Straying, How Not to (S) mother Your Man and Keep a Girl Contented, and Money Adultery (Earning Sexy). Dr. Bonnie has shown up on ABC's Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC's The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a four day series on Fox TV referring to dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on obsessions.

She appears often on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC Reports, The View, 20 / 20, and CNN. Visit Dr. Bonnie at DoctorBonnie press release distributor Doctor.

Bonnie has made an appearance on ABC's Good Morning America, a three-day series on NBC's The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, a 4 day series on Fox Television regarding dating, Discovery Health documentary “Infidelity” and A&E on addictions. Visit Doctor. Bonnie at DoctorBonnie . Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, author of the NY Times Reader's Choice Prize-winning book Make Up Don't Break with accompanying DVD Falling in Love and Staying In Love counsels couples considering breaking up, people who've committed cuckoldry, and couples who want to reinforce their relationships ruined by antagonism or unresolved resentment, teaching people to “fight” to extend eagerness, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Doctor.

Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue together with communication and connection tools, and counsels families and kids.

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Did your spouse tell you, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you?”

A person who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” is making a distinction between 2 different feelings. But NEITHER of those feelings are love!

What does that statement mean?

When a person says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you,” they’re saying that I CARE about you but I’m not EXCITED about you. CARING about someone is a good thing. It’s reflective of CONCERN. But it’s different than love. I care about the starving children in Africa, but I don’t love them.

Being EXCITED about someone is also a good thing. But it’s different than love. I might be excited to have a relationship with the President of the United States or a Hollywood star, but that doesn’t mean I love them.

While someone who says, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” seems to be making a distinction between “different loves;” in fact, they are expressing their confusion about what love really is. And that’s why they’re having marital problems and maybe even an affair (because who are they IN LOVE with?).

Love is something we articulate in the vocabulary of ACTION. Love is a verb. It’s not a feeling you get from another PERSON; it’s an experience you receive as a result of DEEDS YOU DO for another person. And, those deeds are not a secret. In other words, love is NOT a mystery! There are specific things you can do with your spouse to solve your problems and build love in your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It’s a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable—you can “make” love.

Very often in my private coaching sessions, someone will say to me, “I love my spouse, but I’m not IN LOVE with my spouse.” My immediate response is to ask, “Can you list for me 5 ways in the last week that you’ve DEMONSTRATED your love for your spouse?” I usually hear noise on the other end of the phone; grunts, partial statements, and gasps for breath, but none of what I hear ever passes for an answer to my question.

“I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” is a cop out. It basically means that I have no clue how to make a relationship last LONG-TERM so I’m exiting to get high from another short-term romance. But whomever they’re IN LOVE with now will also eventually hear, “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you.” Of course, this is all fine and good, but it’s really your spouse who needs to hear this, right?

Getting your spouse from “I love you, but I’m not IN LOVE with you” to “Okay, let’s give this another chance” is a tricky task. If this is your situation, it’s crucial you handle it strategically. One false step and your marriage could be over. If you take the right steps, you can draw your spouse back in and begin to restore your marriage TOGETHER. How do you do that?

Learn more about the Marriage Fitness system of relationship renewal by subscribing to my FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and getting a FREE marriage assessment. Click here to subscribe. It’s FREE.

Warm regards,
Mort Fertel
Author of Marriage Fitness
Marriage Coach
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Ed. note: Just suffered a breakup? Don’t give up just yet. Grab my free ebook below. Click the cover and look for “Magic of Making Up!” in the sidebar.