Were you aware that God has a purpose for pleasure? Did you know that sex is a spiritual experience first and then it is a physical act? Within the framework of marriage God masterfully designed sexual attraction to be at the very core of that union. It is called romance. In doing so, He formed the strongest bond that could ever exist between a man and a woman.

God created a spiritual romance to be a uniquely human experience. Furthermore, it is as old as human history. We learn from Scripture that Adam and Eve were joined together as one flesh. And the Word also suggests that God caused them to engage in sexual relations (Genesis 2:24). Because God called everything good that He had created, the man and woman were not ashamed of their nakedness. They were free to enjoy the purest form of pleasure known to man. There was no shame in Adam and Eve’s game. There was no blame in their game. They were naked and it wasn’t a big deal. God even placed them in an environment where everything that surrounded them reflected His goodness.

Therefore, from the beginning it was all about a spiritual romance. Adam and Eve were comfortable with their lives and their blissful surroundings. It was all good in the garden because their lives and everything they represented was in alignment with their Creator. And so it was under these circumstances that the God of all wisdom and knowledge ordained the marriage covenant.

Yet, He didn’t stop there. God shared in the experience and became an intrinsic part of the state of matrimony. By appointing Himself as the One who watches over the vows made between a husband and wife, He sanctifies the couple by setting them apart to enjoy each other’s presence. Ultimately, God’s plan is for the union of a man and woman to become an exclusive reflection of the sacred communion that is shared between the three Persons of the Trinity. You should consider yourself immensely blessed when you and your spouse hold romantic pleasure in a sacred and prominent place in your marriage. In God’s eyes, you look like the image that He created you to be. When your relationship includes a healthy dose of romance you have created a climate that will strengthen your marriage and enable it to thrive.

In the Beauty of His Holiness
The Bible further speaks of the wonder of the sexual act and compares it to the mysterious nature of various things that are found in the human experience. One writer described it this way:

“There are three things which are too wonderful for me, four which I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a serpent on a rock, the way of a ship in the middle of the sea, and the way of a man with a maid.” —PROVERBS 30:18–19

As humans, we are instinctively compelled to find ways in which we can relate to what we have come to understand as the work of God’s hands. In other words, we recognize the things of nature as exquisite and beautiful. For example, most people find pleasure in gazing upon an exquisite flower, an exotic bird, a brilliant sky on a sunny day, the vastness of an ocean, and so on. Although we cannot readily understand all that God has done, we can appreciate it just the same because we know that God is the ultimate Creator whose creations demand our admiration and respect. Thus, when God sanctified the sexual act and fashioned it around a spiritual romance, He filled it with a sense of splendor and deep intimacy where marriage partners could enjoy each other in His presence. It is a thing of beauty.

Allow me to emphasize this point because you and your spouse need to really get this: With God at the center of your marriage, you are living under the auspices of His blessings. Scripture sends a comforting message to those who have the wisdom to keep the Lord close to them. As a result, you and your spouse would do well to acknowledge the presence of God in your marriage. Listen to these words of divine inclusiveness that are sure to bring great rewards.

“You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever.”—PSALM 16:11

This is what makes sharing a life together so incredibly good. When you put your focus on God, you will understand that wherever God is, the path of goodness and mercy will follow and lead you in building a sound marriage. All married couples need the goodness of God and His enduring mercy. In fact, I cannot even imagine how a marriage can be successful without the constant exchange of genuine love and affection that is also devoted to loving God.

And part of that overall experience is to find pleasure in each other. This is what I tried to convey to Mr. and Mrs. Smith. With all that she had in her favor, she didn’t recognize that God has given each of us the capacity to absorb a great deal of pleasure over the course of our lives. And for that we should be thankful. Mrs. Smith needed to understand that God looks at the beauty of the sexual act and considers it an offering to Him. That offering then becomes a sacrifice of worship.When we worship Him, we are giving God His rightful place in our lives. It is the highest form of reverence and devotion. Scripture speaks of worshipping the Lord in the beauty of holiness, giving to God something that is due only to Him (1 Chronicles 16:29 KJV). Brothers and sisters, this is serious business to God. The Lord placed such a distinction on the act of lovemaking that nothing else on earth compares to it. If you really want to honor God with your marriage, you need to consider sexual pleasure as a special act of kindness from God. In return for God’s favor, give your spouse the highest level of love and devotion.

Excerpt from
Seven Reasons Why God Created Marriage, by James Ford.

Copyright © 2011 by James Ford, published by Moody Publishers, used with permission.

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After all, is it anyone’s business that you carry mountains of old credit card debt? Do you really need to disclose how much money you lose on sports bets? Wouldn’t it cause more harm to reveal that after a bad day you seek solace in $300 shoes?

But checkbook cheating often reflects a deeper problem in the relationship, and the consequences can be as dire as those of an affair, some experts say. Even when those shopping bags stashed in your trunk don’t lead to financial ruin, which they sometimes do, the conscious deception or omission chips away at intimacy and erodes trust.

“I call financial infidelity the No. 1 relationship wrecker,” said Bonnie Eaker Weil, a New York psychotherapist and author of the book “Financial Infidelity” (Hudson Street Press; $24.95). “Because it’s subtle, and many people don’t think they’re doing anything wrong, it can escalate and lead to other things.”

A third of American couples with combined finances say they have committed financial infidelity, with both sexes lying to their partners in equal numbers, according to a Harris Interactive poll released in January. Sixty-seven percent of those couples had arguments as a result, and 42 percent said it caused less trust in the relationship. But the fallout can be much more severe. In 16 percent of cases, the lying led to divorce, and in 11 percent it caused a separation.

Transparency crucial

While people shouldn’t have to clear every purchase with their spouse or partner, they must be transparent about all income, spending and saving, a habit couples should establish at the beginning of the relationship, divulging in the first few dates what each person makes and who is expected to pick up the restaurant checks, Eaker Weil said. That may seem like a no-brainer, but many couples have difficulty discussing finances.

“People lie about money because they don’t feel safe talking about money,” said Eaker Weil, whose book guides couples in using “Smart Heart” dialogue to empathetically and constructively talk about finances.

The roots of secret spending can go deep: Money can be a form of control when you’re feeling insecure in the relationship, or a form of revenge when you feel you’ve been betrayed, Eaker Weil said. People also hide spending when they fear that the other person won’t approve, to fill a void in their lives or to get a thrill.

Financial infidelity can be a gateway drug to a romantic affair, especially when a person gets a high from their secret spending, because they may be tempted to push the limits of what they can get away with, Eaker Weil said.

Other times, it’s a byproduct of living in a selfish culture in which everyone feels entitled to whatever they want, said John Wagner, a psychotherapist based in Winter Park, Fla. That works if you’re single but not if you’re in a committed relationship, when “ours” needs to be more important than “mine” and “yours.”

“In our marriage, if we’re going to spend more than $100, we check in with the other person,” Wagner said. “Not out of control but out of respect.”

Discovering a spouse’s financial deceit can bring on feelings similar to those wrought by adultery: pain, distrust and not knowing what’s coming next, Wagner said. If you’re lying about money, your partner likely wonders what else you might lie about, he said.

The financial problems rarely can be fixed without first addressing the core relationship issues, Wagner said. An important part of the healing is to agree to a “contract” describing how the couple will handle finances, including a spending threshold, above which each partner will check in with the other before making a purchase.

Gone unchecked, money lies can destroy credit and marriages.

A man walked into credit counselor Jackie Goff’s office after he received a letter from his mortgage company alerting him that his mortgage was two-years delinquent. The man thought his wife had been paying the mortgage, but it turned out she had been intercepting the mail and hiding the delinquency letters. She also had been opening credit cards in his name without telling him. The couple owed, all told, $100,000.

“He was just blindsided because he trusted her,” said Goff, senior assistant director at Consumer Credit Counseling Service of North Central West Virginia. The man had to file for bankruptcy, and the couple divorced.

When it gets awkward

Credit counselors say it is not uncommon to see couples driven deep into debt because one person was financially cheating on the other.

“It’s always a very awkward counseling session,” said Claire Gray, credit counselor at Apprisen Financial Advocates in Columbus, Ohio.

Gray remembers one married couple, in their mid-50s, who came to her after being sued by a creditor. The husband had racked up some $50,000 on credit cards he opened behind his wife’s back, which the wife discovered only when she tried to refinance their home and was denied a loan.

To make matters worse, the couple made the mistake of going through a debt settlement company, hoping that by putting off payment, the creditors would settle for a lesser payment, but the company’s fees swelled their debt to $80,000 without producing a settlement. With both husband and wife already working full time and unable to cover the minimum payments, their only option was to file for bankruptcy, Gray said.

Gray said these crises could be avoided if everyone took ownership of the family finances. Even if just one person is doing the check writing and check balancing, both partners should look at the monthly bank statements and free annual credit reports (annualcreditreport.com).

A couple should have a budget they both agree on, and they should go over what they’re making and spending every payday or at least once a month, Gray said. Even if you have personal debt that you plan to pay off yourself, it’s wise to disclose it to your spouse, Goff said. With the job market precarious, you never know if you might suddenly find yourself without income. Also, if you have to file for bankruptcy and you co-own a home with your spouse, you’re both going down.

“People need to be truthful,” Goff said. “Eventually it will catch up with you.”

Copyright © 2011 by Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz, Tribune newspapers, Used with permission.

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